It was about halfway through the game. The plays for both teams seemed to be clicking constantly. The score was pretty close – a couple of touchdowns for each side. And among the busiest people on the football field seemed to be the volunteers moving the yardsticks as each side made their 10-yard advances to gain a new first down. Then, suddenly we heard a commotion along the sidelines.
“What game are you watching, ref?” I heard one of the volunteers shout.
“Get off the field!” came the retort from the referee crew chief.
Last week, I drove down to Scarborough to watch my grandson play in only his third-ever community football game. The irate volunteer, whose son was among the players in this under-16 summer league game between a Scarborough team and one from the Brampton area, pretty much made a fool of himself shouting epithets at the referee.
He didn’t like one of the penalties the scrimmage referee had just called. And the argument escalated. Eventually, the dad stomped down the sidelines screaming all the way: “What the hell do you know, ref?”
I am not much of a football fan. I don’t know much about the game. But as a grandparent I care that my grandson enjoys a team sport, learns how to train, collaborate, compete fairly and that he ultimately learns the thrill of victory, but also the lessons of defeat.
I have to say, I was embarrassed by the display by that one parent. My grandson’s dad told me later that following the game the parking lot became the forum for another screaming match between parents on both sides of the game. I can’t imagine the kinds of unhealthy behavour their kids witnessed with such parental attitudes.
According to an American youth sports lobby group, more and more sporting events descend into confrontations like this one between parents, or between parents and officials, or between coaches and officials. These clashes, the U.S. National Alliance for Youth Sports says, are the principal reason that volunteer sports officials are leaving youth sports.
And, more important, they’re why as many as three out of four young people are quitting competitive sports by the time they reach age 13.
“The games aren’t fun anymore,” say most disenchanted youth.
I’m not surprised. Years ago, it was overbearing coaches and parents expecting their kids to be the sporting stars themselves they were not. Kids were either forced to endure sideline or post-game critiques from a Vince Lombardi-like coach, or they got a negative earful from Mom or Dad ranting about being more aggressive, more selfish on the field.
Suggested Ken Reed, a sports policy director with League of Fans, earlier this year, “Kids shouldn’t have to endure boot camp to play the sport they love.”
As an antidote, in one of the community parks in the U.S. I spotted online, the league had posted a large sign on the chain-link fence: “Please remember, these are kids. This is a game. The coaches volunteer. The umpires are human.”
Especially now, when we have to get young people off their cellphones and away from video screens, the draw of house league or community sports is more important than ever. It’s tough enough for many families to save sufficient funds to send their children to organized hockey, soccer, football or baseball.
In 2022, Hockey Canada reported a 22 per cent drop in youth under 18 joining organized sport because of prohibitive expenses. Cost has driven youth participation levels in sport to rates lower than they were before the pandemic. And that makes the need for a healthy, positive environment at the arena, on the basketball court or the football field even greater.
So, parents spewing vitriol at volunteer refs doesn’t help in the least. It sets a horrible example for them. It makes young people believe that rules can and should be challenged, that complaining about calls is accepted behaviour and that winning is everything. In my view, at the community level of sport, none of those attitudes is acceptable.
When I was a kid, we rarely saw parents at our house-league games. My dad, who worked crazy late-night hours at a newspaper, somehow still managed to attend some of my games.
It might have had something to do with that campaign slogan back then. “Don’t send your kid to the game,” it said. “Take your kid to the game.”
Maybe we need to consider updating the slogan for youth sport today: “Don’t feed your ego at your kid’s game. Feed your kid’s ego with constructive support and a sense of fair play.”
